INTERVIEWS

TAYLOR: My name is Taylor, I’m 30 and I am trans. She/her.

INTERVIEWER: Are you currently out to your family?

TAYLOR: I am.

INTERVIEWER: How did they react to that?

TAYLOR: Not great? Still kind of an ongoing issue. So, like, after I actually actively started transitioning I explained it as simply as I knew how, you know: I am born a male, I am transitioning to female, this is how it works, blah blah blah. They’re pretty religious, um, they’re also older. They didn’t take it well. My mom called me crying for, like, probably months after that. Like, almost every day just begging me not to do it. It’s a little better now, like we’re at least cordial, but she still thinks she can talk me out of it.

INTERVIEWER: What would you say to people who think that they can talk someone out of being trans?

TAYLOR: They don’t understand it at, like, a basic level. I don’t think they really understand that it’s not a cosmetic change per say, it’s more of who we are as a person. We’ve always been trans, it’s just the fact that they didn’t know that. And it’s not an overnight decision. I probably knew from when I was like eight or nine, so that’s almost twenty years I had to think about it.

INTERVIEWER: Are you out to other people around you?

TAYLOR: Yeah, I’m completely out, socially and everything as well. The next hardest step was probably work, but that wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be, to be honest. It was nerve-wracking. I am a police officer. It’s not a very historically LGBT-friendly workplace. I went to a trusted supervisor who I kind of felt like would help me better and to his credit he did. He actually wrote a whole paper on it, so he was like super cool on the whole thing. And I haven’t really been harassed at all like I thought I would be so it’s a lot easier than you would think.

INTERVIEWER: How did you come to the realization that you were trans?

TAYLOR: I was probably eight or nine. I would, you know, try on my mom’s shoes at first, then I would sneak her makeup. It felt normal to me. Since I was very religious, I remember praying to God at night like “Hey, please make me a girl.” As I got older I tried to hide it, especially once I kinda, I guess understood more of what it was I was like “Well this has got to be a phase,” I tried to push it down, suppress it. It always came back because it was who I was. I didn’t really know what trans was, to be honest, until I was in college and I was in a class and they brought in someone who had already transitioned from female to male. I guess that was when the lightbulb came on finally, like “That’s what it is!” I was too scared to come out and transition at the time. It wasn’t until I was like twenty-seven that I actually started transitioning. Growing up, I didn’t hear anything about gender identity or what being trans meant or anything like that. I had no idea what it was.

INTERVIEWER: How confident are you in your gender right now?

TAYLOR: I know I’ve always been a girl. My confidence with who I am is definitely very strong.

INTERVIEWER: How did the pandemic and the spread of social media impact this journey if it did?

TAYLOR: I connected with a lot of people through Reddit, that’s sort of how I first started exploring and I found a bunch or different subreddits that had some really good information on it. When I first got on TikTok I started finding all these trans creators and it was really cool to see that “oh, wow, I’m not the only one in the world.” As I was actively transitioning, it was really nice to have that resource.

INTERVIEWER: Have you done any sort of non-medical things that have helped you toward your transition?

TAYLOR: Seattle Voice Lab. I did go to a lesson with that, I just- I can’t afford it, unfortunately, and it’s not covered under insurance. I do want to do it, though, because that’s probably kind of my last step if that makes sense. I haven’t sought much outside of the medical stuff.

INTERVIEWER: Medically, what have you done?

TAYLOR: Besides HRT, nothing. I haven’t had any surgeries or anything towards it. I’ve been almost 3 years on HRT. I still have things in mind down the road, but it’s just- money. It’s hard to afford.

INTERVIEWER: How has hormone therapy helped you and would you recommend it to other trans people?

TAYLOR: Absolutely. It helped me a lot mentally. You have to be patient because there’s a lot of waiting, but I feel like once it starts kicking in like to bring your body with how your mind, you know, sees yourself is so beneficial. Am I, like, super happy all the time with it? No. But, like, I’m a lot more happy than I would’ve been otherwise.

INTERVIEWER: What advice would you give to someone who is either looking to start HRT or about to?

TAYLOR: Find a support group of friends, family, whoever, people to stay close to, because I would say the first six months is a little rough, and it’s nice to have a good close “support net” is what my therapist called it. Also, do your research on what kind of medicines you’re gonna be starting, and your dosage, do a lot of research before you pick your doctor.

INTERVIEWER: Do you experience gender dysphoria?

TAYLOR: Every day. Because someone will walk up to me in public and they’ll be like “Hey, ma’am, do you know where blah blah blah” and I know as soon as I go to talk, they’re gonna be like “Oh, sorry sir- I mean ma’am, I mean- uhh.” That’s my biggest source of dysphoria right now, I would say, is my voice.

INTERVIEWER: How would you say that you experience gender euphoria?

TAYLOR: I think the first time I really felt it, I was having a conversation with my best friend. She said something to me and I remember I was happy and I’d never remembered crying out of happiness before, but it just hit me and I started bawling my eyes out. But I was really happy about whatever she said- I don’t even remember what she was talking about, but to me, that was kind of like finally being able to experience emotions because I felt so emotionally suppressed before. I think the first time I put on a bra that wasn’t a training bra that actually fit me right was a pretty big high too.

INTERVIEWER: What do you wish that your family had done?

TAYLOR: Embraced me. Like, I tell them all the time, “I don’t really care if you understand it, I just wish you would accept it.” Like, some people I will correct- when they use the wrong pronouns, I’ll correct them. But my parents, I just- there’s only so many times I can do that before it’s just mentally exhausting. So I wish they would just have been okay with it, for lack of better terms. My dad, I mean, the night I came out my dad just straight up said “It’s time to leave” and stood up and, like, walked out of my apartment. And it sounds really bad, because I was so used to that kind of treatment. My dad called me and told me that I’m killing them, I’m sending them to an early grave because of what I’m doing. Just- The opposite of whatever that is would probably be a good start. They don’t have to understand it, but just- accept it. I’m still their child.

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for families of trans people?

TAYLOR: Just love your kids. Like, put your personal beliefs aside and what you want for your kid and the “dreams” you had for your kid and just let them be themself in a loving, supporting environment. That’s kinda what I wish I had, because I know they love me but it’s kinda hard when you’re not accepting me. Just love them. Be there for them. Ask them what they need.

INTERVIEWER: If you could tell anything to your younger self, what would that be?

TAYLOR: “Hey, get some courage and do this when you’re younger, don’t wait until you’re thirty.”

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for trans kids that might be going through this self-discovery right now?

TAYLOR: It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your parents or whoever’s telling you that it’s not right… don’t let them talk you out of being your true self. Because you know who you are better than anyone else.

INTERVIEWER: How would you say that it feels to be misgendered?

TAYLOR: I tell you it hurts worse coming from people who know better. So, like, if it’s just some average Joe I meet on the street, it doesn’t really hurt that bad just because I get it, but someone that knows better, who I’ve told, that hurts a lot more. Because now I just feel like you’re just being an a**hole at that point. You’re going out of your way to be rude.

INTERVIEWER: What resources have been the most helpful?

TAYLOR: In the beginning, definitely Reddit, TikTok, honestly. Awesome resource to have. It’s really nice to see people like you. They don’t even have to be advice, a lot of them are just going through their daily lives kind of sharing it, which is really cool. When I first came out, I met a girl on Reddit and she knew of a few other people too, so we actually had a Discord group. It was really cool in the beginning, kinda connecting to other people. She made us necklaces which I still have that, like… What does it say? “Nevertheless, she persisted” and it had the date of each of our- the first day we started HRT on it. It was really cool to have that community. I gotta be honest, I know one other trans female near me, so it’s really nice to have the internet.

INTERVIEWER: What resources do you wish that you’d had?

TAYLOR: I wish that I’d had, like, a step-by-step guide to give to my parents. I wish I had more friends that were trans. The internet is great, but it’d be really nice to actually see people in person.

INTERVIEWER: How would you say that living in the US has impacted this journey?

TAYLOR: I want to acknowledge for a second that at least we are able to get healthcare, like trans-related healthcare, ’cause I don’t want to say that it’s completely hopeless because it’s not. That being said, I feel like when I first came out, like, it was still kind of taboo, but now, like… I can’t get on the internet without seeing somebody out there bashing it, “did you see what state just banned this or that or the other,” and again I also try to avoid politics, but… I’m scared? I try to stay positive but it’s kinda hard when all you see is all this hateful legislature. I gotta be honest, I don’t live in the best state for supporting LGBT rights, so I’m not gonna lie I have considered, like, moving. I guess when you have to think about uprooting your whole life just to be who you are, I think is kind of a sh**ty thing, if we’re being honest.

INTERVIEWER: Is there anything else that you would like to share about your story? Anything that you think people need to hear?

TAYLOR: Trans people exist. We need to, like, love and support everybody, but I’m tired of people selecting targeted groups to hate and to actively try to suppress and make illegal. I wish there was more of a voice for us out there, just to show people that, hey, we’re just normal people trying to live our lives.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you so much for-

TAYLOR: Absolutely.

INTERVIEWER: For doing this, this has been very helpful.

TAYLOR: Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on.

REN: Hi, my name is Ren, I use he/they/fae pronouns, and I am trans and I also have trans friends, so… yeah!

INTERVIEWER: How did you realize that you were trans?

REN: I had feelings of not being in the right body when I was younger, but I didn’t come to the realization until I was around twenty years old. My sister was kinda just like, “Yeah if you feel that way, you can just be who you are.” I’m pretty confident in my gender right now. I feel like life’s a journey, so we’re always figuring things out, but I feel more myself than I ever have before. I am out to family members and I am out in public as well. Most of my family’s pretty positive about it. My mom and my grandma took a little more time to come around, like they would need more work to gender me correctly or use the right name, but they’re pretty supportive. I came out to my little sister first and she’s the one who helped me figure out my gender identity. I remember telling her that when I was younger I always felt like a boy, and that I was thinking I should’ve been born that way or I should’ve been born with certain body parts and she was like “You can just be a boy, like that’s something you can do.”

INTERVIEWER: How does it feel to be misgendered by people that you don’t know?

REN: I’ve gotten pretty used to people misgendering me in public, so… yeah, it doesn’t really bother me.

INTERVIEWER: And what about people that you know pretty well?

REN: I’ve kinda, like, cut the people off in my life that misgender me or don’t decide to see me as who I am. My paternal grandmother refuses to recognize me as who I am, so she’s not in my life anymore. 

INTERVIEWER: Your family, even though they are supportive, is there anything that you would like them to do differently?

REN: I guess I would say that being a trans-masc person doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to be, like, this now masculine man. That’s not the case. Like, I’m still very feminine, so I like to paint my nails and wear makeup. When you’re trans, it doesn’t mean that you have to go all one side.

INTERVIEWER: If you could go back in time and tell your younger self anything, what would you say to them? 

REN: I would tell them that they weren’t born in the wrong body, they just don’t have the words for what they’re feeling at the moment. It’s not weird for them to feel that way, that a lot of people feel that way, and playing with gender is okay.

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for trans kids that might be going through their self-discovery right now? 

REN: Be yourself- like, your most authentic self- as much as you can be. When you’re young, it is quite okay to just do whatever you feel like to figure things out, whether you wanna use a different name temporarily and have your friends use that, or try different pronouns, or cut your hair, or paint your nails.

INTERVIEWER: What about for families of trans kids, what advice do you have for them?

REN: It is always harder for trans youth than it is for cis allies. I think they have a tendency of being like “this is so hard for me” and like victimizing themselves, but it definitely is harder for someone else to be discovering themself. Be supportive of them no matter what. Just let them have that space. You don’t have to understand something to support it.

INTERVIEWER: When you discovered that you were trans, what resources did you turn to?

REN: I definitely went to Planned Parenthood and talked to them, that’s how I got my HRT. I mean, considering I was in Florida, it was great. I was very much spreading out into online, like Instagram and Youtube. There’s so many trans people on there just being themselves. I think that social media can be a really good tool for resources since it’s coming straight from the source. 

INTERVIEWER: And what resources do you wish you’d had, if any? 

REN: I would’ve really appreciated, like, having puberty blockers just to have that pause in my life to get to know myself better.

INTERVIEWER: Who would you say is your biggest supporter?

REN: My little sister, the one who helped me come out and discover myself. She just has been there for me since day one, she’s confident in who she is now, I’m able to tell her everything. When it comes to gender, she has no judgement. We’ve gone partying together and I’ve worn a dress and even though I was wearing a dress it didn’t make me feel any less than who I was. No matter what I’m doing or what I’m wearing, she still sees me as who I am.

INTERVIEWER: How did being on hormone therapy help you?

REN: I just felt more myself. I don’t feel the same way that I did before.

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for someone who might be about to start HRT or considering it?

REN: There’s always a lot more changes than people expect. Just really do the research on the changes. Even though there’s some things that you can’t go back on, there is a lot of other things that are reversible, so you could always stop whenever you want.

INTERVIEWER: What’s it like using multiple sets of pronouns?

REN: Well a lot of people just use my first pronouns, there’s some who use my second set, which is they/them. There’s not a lot of people who use the fae pronouns, but it feels really really nice to hear all of them.

INTERVIEWER: Speaking of neopronouns, what’s it like using those and how is that different?

REN: A lot of times, in a lot of spaces, I’ll only put he/they because a lot of people don’t understand neopronouns. With my few close friends who use my neopronouns, it feels really affirming. Since it’s fae, it feels a little different from human, so it also makes me feel otherworldly which is nice because I don’t like to feel normie all the time.

INTERVIEWER: If it did, how did the pandemic and the spread of social media impact your gender identity experience? 

REN: I pretty much started discovering myself the most when the pandemic came about. We were going through our isolation and had a lot of time to think and discover, and I was seeing a lot of fighting for trans justice on social media.

INTERVIEWER: What are your thoughts on gender reassignment surgery?

REN: I actually already got top surgery, and I feel like that was such a major step towards me feeling more welcome in my own body. Bottom surgery is something that I think I’ve thought about, but it’s not necessary for me to feel more okay in my body.

INTERVIEWER: Do you still experience gender dysphoria and if so what does that feel like?

REN: I do, sometimes. People may think that this is counterintuitive but, like, when I’m not wearing makeup I feel less like myself.

INTERVIEWER: Do you experience gender euphoria and what does that feel like?

REN: Oh, yes! All the time! Especially when I’m with a group of other trans people and we’re all just being ourselves. When I wear makeup, that gives me a lot of euphoria, or when I wear certain clothes, that gives me a lot of euphoria. It’s really nice.

INTERVIEWER: Did you ever call, like, a support hotline or anything?

REN: I called the Trevor Project support line. They weren’t, like, too helpful? They did pick up and they did answer, but it just wasn’t what I needed at that moment. I think reaching out to your community or other trans people or other friends is, like, way more support than a support line can be. 

INTERVIEWER: And how does the country that you live in impact your trans experience? 

REN: I think it’s definitely hard, you know, there’s a lot of bills against us right now. Sometimes it feels like we’re just trying so hard to exist, and it can be, like, really defeating, but when you look within your own community and you see all these friends thriving or helping each other and uplifting each other, it just feels lighter. I have lots of trans friends, almost all my friends are trans at this point.

INTERVIEWER: Did you know any of them pre-transition?

REN: Oh yes, quite a few. 

INTERVIEWER: Did any of your friends talk to you or anyone else in your group or community before talking to family members?

REN: Yes, definitely. One of my friends, she was, like, nervous to talk to her family because they were never, like, open to receiving, they were always pretty closed off and said negative things against trans people, so she talked to me about it first.

INTERVIEWER: My last question is just: is there anything else that you would like to share about your story, or just anything that you feel needs to be said or heard?

REN: It’s definitely not a walk in the park, and it’s definitely not a fad. I know a lot of people will think, like, it’s just a trend to be trans. But it’s really beautiful to see older trans people and younger trans people coming together and getting that knowledge from the older community as well, and just knowing that we have struggles too. Like, it’s not easy to be trans, you know? Whether you’re on hormones or not, whether you want surgery or not, um… There’s a lot of people who just don’t understand what that’s like so they’ll just never understand how truly hard it can be, so really just being supportive even if you don’t understand, you know, trying your best to see someone as they are, not just using pronouns because they said they use those pronouns, or not just using a name because they said they use that name, but actually seeing them as who they say they are. Thank you!

REBECCA: My name’s Rebecca, I use she/they pronouns. Mostly because I don’t necessarily trust people to use they pronouns and so I’m keeping she as an option so it feels like it’s my choice. And I’m genderfluid. I do have some friends that are trans as well, but mostly I’m gonna be speaking from my own perspective.

INTERVIEWER: How did you realize that you were trans?

REBECCA: It was a very slow and long and recent process. My entire queer journey has kind of been a process of “Oh I really like these type of people, oh I wish I was this type of person, oh wait maybe I am this type of person.” The idea of being nonbinary and not really identifying as a woman just kept coming up and coming up and coming up. I was twenty-eight, and I’m twenty-nine now.

INTERVIEWER: How confident are you in your gender right now?

REBECCA: I feel great about being genderfluid. I mean, it’s definitely something that could change in the future because life is a process, but I feel like once I sort of accepted that and started trying to use that label, it just made so much sense to me. It’s been a huge confidence boost in my identity to be able to say, like, “I’m not bad at being a woman, I’m actually really good at being genderfluid.” 

INTERVIEWER: Are you out to your family?

REBECCA: …Yes. 

INTERVIEWER: How did they react to that?

REBECCA: Um… Uh… My parents were kind of the big ones. I have two brothers, I’m a middle child, and I told my brothers just kind of over discord, mostly as a “heads up I’m telling my parents about this.” With my parents, they have certain beliefs and views that made me really worried and stressed and scared about coming out to them. I wanted to because I knew that if I kept it a secret, then I was just going to end up putting a bunch of distance between us. So it seemed like either, you know, I keep it a secret and I ruin our relationship, or I tell them and maybe it ruins our relationship but maybe it doesn’t. I ended up telling them in an email. I didn’t want to have to deal with their immediate reaction because I knew it probably wasn’t going to be something that I wanted. I was able to actually see them in person a couple days after I sent that email. You know, they accept me because I’m their kid. It’s kind of a balance of, like, I’m glad that they’re not disowning me or anything like that, but it also doesn’t really feel like true acceptance because I don’t think that they, like, get it. And I don’t think that they’re interested in getting it.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. 

REBECCA: It’s like, I don’t know if their, like, mental perception of me has changed at all. 

INTERVIEWER: And how does that make you feel?

REBECCA: It’s kind of like a compromise, I guess? It’s not really what I want, but it’s better than the worst. I would really appreciate it if they would try to understand or show any amount of support for the community that I’m a part of. But that’s not really something that I’m expecting from them. 

INTERVIEWER: Who did you come out to first?

REBECCA: I actually don’t remember, I have a terrible memory for these kinds of things. But definitely either a friend, like one of my friends from the queer community, or my partner.

INTERVIEWER: Why are those the people that you would’ve told first?

REBECCA: I wanted to tell the people that I knew would be excited for me first because I knew that there were going to be people I wanted to tell who wouldn’t be excited for me and I needed to kind of, like, build up that support and that confidence.

INTERVIEWER: You mentioned that you’re a little bit unsatisfied with how things went with your parents. What do you wish that you could’ve said to them?

REBECCA: It would be really interesting to me to be able to kind of give them a little lesson, I guess? On, like, here’s the parts of my identity, and here’s what they mean to me? I could try, but I don’t think that they’d be really interested in that. When I did come out and I saw my parents in person, I had a conversation with my mom, but I did not have a conversation with my dad. One of the things that my mom told me was that my dad’s view on it is like, “Well, I just don’t get why we have to talk about it.” 

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for trans kids who might be going through their self-discovery right now?

REBECCA: You know, it’s a different journey for every person. When you have that voice inside of you that keeps telling you something, you should listen to it. It could be scary. My journey took me so long because I was scared, but you should trust that part of yourself and you should find the people in your life who are going to love you for who you are.

INTERVIEWER: What advice do you have for families of trans kids?

REBECCA: I think the best thing you can do is just, like, try and show support for the community so that your kids know that no matter who they are that it’s not something that they need to worry about. And also just, like, listen and trust them when they say what their experience is.

INTERVIEWER: If you could go back in time and tell your younger self anything, what would it be?

REBECCA: Oh my God, I wrote a song about this! [laughter] If I could go back, I would probably go back to around high school because I was struggling in high school. I would go back and I would be like, “Hey. All this stuff that you’re going through that you feel like makes you broken or different or is, like, wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with you.”

INTERVIEWER: What did you do after discovering that you were genderfluid.

REBECCA: I had a lot of panic attacks for a couple weeks. I’ve been doing a lot more of exploring my gender expression and, like, wearing more men’s shirts and just trying different styles and ways of kind of presenting myself. And also just kind of breaking down my own gendered way of thinking.

INTERVIEWER: How did the pandemic and the spread of social media impact your journey with your gender identity? 

REBECCA: Being online is huge for me in finding people who have similar experiences to me and kind of understanding even what the options are. I’m thinking back to those quarantine days and I wasn’t really quite working through the gender stuff at that point, but I do think that I was getting sort of the exposure.

INTERVIEWER: What gives you gender euphoria? 

REBECCA: Definitely wearing men’s button-down shirts. As genderfluid, I kind of, you know, drift between feeling more femme or more masc and wanting to present in different ways. Being able to wear men’s clothes and get more of that shape just feels really really good. And I really like the way that I look and the way that I feel.

INTERVIEWER: What resources have been the most helpful for you?

REBECCA: Other people, mostly. If that makes sense. Either in person or through social media.

INTERVIEWER: How does the country that you live in impact your trans experience?

REBECCA: Well I live in the United States. It’s definitely a… evolving landscape for trans people right now. I am in a pretty privileged position. I’m not seeking gender-affirming care, and I do pass as cis. I don’t know how much of it really impacts my life directly other than just the hurt that I feel in the fact that people can be so hateful and that people who are outside of this community are controlling things that impact the community so deeply.

INTERVIEWER: What else would you like to share about your story? Just anything that you haven’t said yet that you would like to say? 

REBECCA: I think the interesting thing about my gender journey is that it’s not one of those, like, “I’ve known since I was four” kind of situations. You know, it’s one of those, like, “I was twenty-eight and I was really struggling with this and I kind of finally figured it out and looking back I can see a lot of signs from when I was younger that I didn’t really feel comfortable in the gender that I was being prescribed.” But, you know, if you are later in life and you are just kind of starting to get to figuring that all out, that’s a thing that happens and that’s okay. Some of us take a bit longer to get there, and that doesn’t make it any less valid or any less real just because you maybe didn’t know, you know, from the time you were two.